Who do you want to be?
Reflections after reading Atomic Habits by James Clear
Why do I start so many things and then give up so quickly? I’ve recently made an attempt to improve my life in a number of ways by building on small habits that lead toward becoming the person I want to be. James Clear put it simply in his book Atomic Habits, “Decide the type of person you want to be. Prove it to yourself with small wins.” No, I’m not on this “self help” journey. I know that the foundation and pillars of my life are built upon Jesus, but I also know that all of my time and what I do while here on earth matters. I do not want to be someone who gives up. If not for myself, I want to show my daughters the importance of perseverance and why they should keep striving even when things get hard.
While reading through Atomic Habits there was a section that hit me harder than the rest of the book. James Clear talks about the difference between being in motion and taking action. He states that being in motion, which includes things like planning, strategizing, learning, reading, practicing, are all good things but they do not produce a result. “Action, on the other hand, is the type of behavior that will deliver an outcome.” I have lived my life in a constant state of motion. I am always looking for the thing that will give me joy and provide me with a sense of purpose. Is it a hobby of some sort? Photography? Tried it, was too scared to fail and sold my camera. Golf? Love it, but unwilling to commit myself due to time and money. Podcasting? Fun, but self conscious with how I sound. Running? Well, my knees aren’t what they used to be. Writing? I’m a 34 year old dad, I can’t keep rapping for the rest of my life. I don’t know about you, but I continually go from one thing to the next trying to find the “thing” that will click. What is my thing? What comes so naturally for me that when I’m doing it, I can get swept away and forget about time?
I have realized that the only time I have ever entered a state of flow (getting lost in my work) is when working with words. Whether it was in the form of poetry, rapping, a funny status, a blog post, the one thing I can get lost in is trying to share my thoughts, feelings, or a message with people through my words. Part of me wonders if my pull toward writing has anything to do with my mom. I remember right before my mom passed, probably a few months earlier, we had a conversation and she said, “you have always had a way with words.” I’m not trying to say I have all the answers, but I do love looking at life differently than others. I love trying to use my words to uplift and encourage. Maybe even to teach or show a new perspective. I love to use my words to comfort people or entertain them. I’ve used my words to share a message with my family that I felt my mom would want us to hear after she passed. Nothing in life has ever felt more natural than pecking away at some keys or jotting down thoughts with a pencil. Honestly, I don’t have any skills or training in the area of writing. I don’t have the greatest vocabulary, my grammar skills are ‘meh’ at best, but I feel the content is worth putting out there.
I’m tired of being scared about what people think. I’m tired of not doing what I love out of fear that people won’t read it. James Clear said I may not be the most naturally gifted, but I can always try to be the best in a very narrow category.